Waddup Legends! This is your best friend KHAN with today’s FOT!
I recently got happily married. My single friends ask me all the time “Hey KHAN! How is married life going? What do you say, should I also get married? When is it best to get married”
To understand what I answer to such questions I need to set up some background here (Music Please…)
A lot of people have some presuppositions about marriage. This mostly comes from what society tells you but more importantly it’s the media that sets our beliefs about love and Marriage. All the movies like “The Vow” “The Notebook” “A walk to remember” etc have misguided us as to how a marriage should be.
I also hear this alot “My priority is my career. I really don’t have time now. May be in future I may settle” Well guess what? These people will never settle. These people may be good professionals but in terms of family, they may not do so good! If you find yourself with this mindset, please don’t get married and spoil someone else’s life. You may focus on your career.
If you are dating or engaged or in some kind of affair and thinking that after marriage it will be all the same like “when we first met” (Good Movie! Starring Alexandria Daddario… Ok… I am distracted now as usual), I hate to break this out to you that you are wrong. Life is nothing like bunch of roses. It is different. Just like in your life, relations have their ups and downs. So if you will just quit on them, you better work on yourself!
So before getting married it is important to know why you are getting married. If the relationship was based on material things like looks, sex, style, wealth, position etc that I can guarantee you cannot last long. These things fade out and lose its charm once attained. However, if it is based on love, acceptance of each other’s flaws and appreciation of one another (which is the basis of formation of a spiritual connection), it is that relationship that lasts.
I think one of the reasons, our previous generation was able to maintain marriages for a long term is that in their time when things were broken, they would fix it, not replace it. When I see society evolving, whith all the access to everything, I see how this belief is now in-built that there is plenty out there. This leads to the belief that everything is replaceable. But my friends, this is not really true in case of relationships. We all crave for long lasting relationships. You can’t replace your family. So once you marry someone, they are your family and it is not really a good idea to try replacing them. That is why you need to be careful in the first place. How to choose the right person is a topic for another time.
Remember that things change after marriage. There is change in both the sides; the girl’s and the guy’s. Some of these are sudden and some of these are gradual. So it is highly important that you let things take its natural course. Don’t push things or it gets worse. If you want to change something because it makes you uncomfortable, you have to handle it tactfully. In a relationship people are more sensitive than usual. The words of the loved ones hurt the most, whether expressed or not.
When you get married, you become one with your spouse. You share everything… EVERYTHING. I always emphasize that between spouses, there should be no boundaries and no privacy. Remember, that no one is perfect. There should be no hiding of flaws. Only acceptance of them and understanding of one another and not judgmental approach towards one another. The intention has to be to know and understand each other better. Share good moments. Laugh together as much as possible. “Live” life with each another. In my view, it is good to have at least one outing in a week, alone with your spouse. Also travel together around the world if possible. This helps you bond more.
If you are afraid of the arguments, let me tell you that arguments can be the reason for you to get closer. When you survive out of an argument, the bond becomes stronger. It is like an exothermic bond. When the bad feelings are thrown out, it’s love that remains and holds you stronger than before. You understand one another better. How to handle arguments is a topic that I will cover in future.
You see, when you live together, share bed, share meals etc, you get to see the other person in their most private form. That is something you may not like (probably because in the start you don’t understand them yet). You may have fallen in love because of their outer face or their social face. After marriage you see their private face and this is something that has to be understood. If you understand and accept them, you will come to a loving compromise and understanding that will allow you to “live happily ever after” (like in the movies)
The first few months are wonderful as everything is new and dreamy but with time the flaws will come up. You have to cope up with them. Everything comes in a package. If they were perfect, they would be with someone better than you because you are not perfect either my friends. None of us are!
When I got engaged, everyone was like “Dude, Think again”, “You’ll be bound forever” “Slave of a woman” “Losing your freedom so soon” and things like that. They may be joking but I see that this is the mindset that is prevailing in our society. It is subliminally now a part of our Belief System. I have always enjoyed my life to fullest by doing courses, playing piano in a band, sailing in open sea etc. People would say “this is the time you enjoy. After marriage you can’t do much then”. This is a very firm mindset in our society and I disagree with this. These may sound to you like relationship jokes but this is pretty much our mindset.
What I say is that life before marriage is a different kind of enjoyment. But the life after it is totally different. It breaks the monotony of the single life and gives you a new perspective to life. It is up to the individual as to how they manage it. You can enjoy all the things with your spouse. You can travel alone but believe me, with the right person, it is a totally different memory. That happiness has no other equivalent. This is the real fulfillment.
I hope you all understand now why I always answer that life after marriage is “better and better”. This is your best friend KHAN signing off. Take good care fellas.
Peace be on you all!